Bleeding Love
by girlNmaroon
Summary: I'd give away everything I have for you, Olivia, if only you'd let me," he says against her lips. And with that, he tucks himself behind her, curling their bodies together on a couch not nearly big enough to hold their regrets.
1. Part 1

_This has only slightly to do with the song "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. I've been listening to it nonstop, and well, I'm bad with titles._

_I wrote some of this a loooong time ago with the idea that this would eventually become part of "She Is." I changed up my game plan, however, and this doesn't fit anymore, so, voila! A two-shot was born. :)_

* * *

He'd come to her, weeks ago, looking for comfort after a case. Somehow, it had spiraled into an everyday event, him arriving at her doorstep minutes after he dropped her off. Neither could stay away, but both were afraid to say why. Simple physical intimacy had become the norm, so much so that he'd reached for her hand at a crime scene.

She wants to send him home to his wife, to his infant and his teenage twins, but he's told her this is what he needs, _she_ is what he needs.

She knows that he's wrong, but she can't bear to turn him away.

They are lying stretched out on the couch, Elliot cradling Olivia to his chest, stroking her ever-changing hair as she plants feather light kisses on his neck. She nips his skin ever so slightly before remembering her place.

_Partner. Best friend. Friend with benefits, even. But not yours to claim. Not yours to leave something visible to the world. _He's chosen his wife, his children, and she is merely helping him see what he isn't missing.

This too shall pass.

He feels the gentle scraping of her teeth, followed by the hesitation in her breath, the shifting of her legs. He knows what this physical relationship is doing to her, to both of them, but he is powerless to stop it.

"Mark me, Olivia."

"But, El-" she begins to protest.

"Mark me, Liv. I'm yours in all the ways that matter."

As her lips descend to his neck, she revels in this small gift she's been given. He is not hers to claim, and yet...She will take what she is given. Her teeth meet his skin, the soft flesh of the right side of his neck. She bites down with a purpose, gentle yet sure to bruise. She tongues his neck, sucking and nipping, straining for something she normally found adolescent. Meanwhile Elliot is leaving a brand all his own with his hot fingertips slipped just under her waistband, his gentle moans against her earlobe.

She thinks vaguely how ridiculous it is for two forty-somethings to be making out to the strains of a Knicks game, but pushes the thoughts from her head. This was her moment with him, and she wanted to remember every breath he took.

Satisfied with her ministrations, she nuzzles his chin. "Thank you," she breathes, so quiet that they're both unsure if she said the words aloud.

"My turn." He grins at her, gentle, before rolling her onto her back, gracing her body with his weight. But instead of going for her neck, he kisses a trail down her blue t-shirt. He looks up to her eyes for permission, silence speaking loudly. _I'll wear the burden to the outside world, Liv, but you'll know that you're mine in your heart._

Sensing her assent, he rolls up the frayed hem of her top. He chooses his spot carefully, picking the place where he knows her badge will rest in the morning. This spot, these marks, they are the symbols of a partnership too complicated for the outside world.

He breathes in her scent, the vanilla still on her skin after a long day of work. As soon as his lips burn her skin, she cries out, nestling her hand in his cropped hair.

"Shhh," he mumbles. As he marks her flesh, she swallows back a sob. She knows this is all she'll ever have of him, and all at once it is too much and never enough. He wishes this mark was permanent, so that she could always carry with her a reminder of his feelings, his devotion to her.

He crawls back upward, kissing her eyelids, waiting for her gaze. While he stares straight back at her, he kisses her full on the mouth, a violation of their unspoken rules.

"I'd give away everything I have for you, Olivia, if only you'd let me," he says against her lips. And with that, he tucks himself behind her, curling their bodies together on a couch not nearly big enough to hold their regrets.

--

A week later, she leaves him again. Hops a plane to somewhere warm, somewhere the excuse of expensive phone calls will keep her from checking in like she promised. He decides not to ask her where she's going, because he doesn't want to end up chasing her around the globe. He loves her enough to respect her choices, even if they kill him in the end.

He wonders if he pushed her too hard, if he asked her for something she could never give. He knows he was a bastard, staying married and spending every moment he could away from his vows.

He could blame it on Olivia. She was the one who insisted that he now leave Kathy, that he should give his family another shot. In his quest to please her, to prove to her that he would do whatever she asked, he failed to hear the silent request.

She'd wanted him to make the move anyway.

She was never the other woman, not to him. She was _the _woman. But maybe he didn't make that clear.

Dammit, _of course_ he didn't make that clear. He was still married! She would never know what she meant to him because he'd never showed her with his actions.

--

She doesn't know what to do with herself. She's out on the beach, watching kids build sandcastles, and she's shivering as if she's walking in the snow.

She realizes that maybe Elliot was the source of her warmth.

It's no matter now. She'll have to find something else here on the opposite side of the world, because she's never going to find someone else.

_One more week_, she thinks, one more week and then she'll call him. He deserves to know the truth of why she left, and he deserves her goodbye.

"Partners aren't forever," she's been told, but god, she'd never thought they'd end.

* * *

_Second half should arrive tomorrow!_


	2. Part 2

_Sorry this took forever! There was a poetry contest, a graduation, and sheer laziness. Oh, and I got completely stuck. Hope you're still with me!_

_Musical inspiration was provided by KT Tunstall, "Other Side of the World."_

_Oh, and pretend Fin didn't call Elliot a rat bastard. :)_

* * *

She's burning through nearly half of her vacation time, all the days she's refused to take off since arriving at the 1-6 nearly ten years ago. She hasn't even begun to dial his number in 17 days, hasn't called him since she left. She wants to let him go, she does, but she promised him she'd call once she got settled.

She thinks this is as close to 'settled' as she'll ever get without him.

Olivia picks up the phone, starting to dial the number that used to mark number one on her speed dial. Only then does she realize it's well into the evening in New York, and he should be at home. Her throat gets dry at the prospect of interrupting him at a happy family dinner, but she knows it's now or never. She may not get the courage to call him again, and he deserves a goodbye.

Panic sets in as she hears the unfamiliar tones of an international call. She sends up a silent prayer to whomever may be listening that Elliot answers.

"Hello?" While the voice is familiar, it is most definitely not Elliot.

"Hey, Kathy. It's Olivia." She hears a sharp intake of breath on the other end, and she is overwhelmed with guilt for imposing herself back into this otherwise content family.

"Olivia. Hi. Haven't heard from you in a while. Where've you been?"

"I'm on vacation." She twists the hotel's phone cord around her fingers, fidgeting in her terrycloth robe.

"Yeah, I see. Australia?"

"Damn caller ID," she swears. Both women let out nervous laughter. "I just needed a change of scenery."

"That'd do it. So, when are you coming back? Elliot's going crazy without you." Olivia's hand grips the receiver, and she takes a deep breath.

"I'm not sure, actually. Is Elliot-is he around? Can I talk to him?"

"Oh, he's not here Olivia. He's at his apartment. It's his night with Eli." Okay, if she was panicking before, she's having a full-on stroke right now.

"His…apartment. With Eli."

"He gets Wednesdays and every weekend he's not on call. The twins, too, if they don't have too much homework." She hears her sigh, and she hates herself for putting Kathy in this position. "Olivia, we're divorced. He didn't-We both knew it was over."

"Divorced?" All she can do at this point is parrot back whatever she hears. She has to try for normal conversation. Has to. "Kathy, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. It's been coming for years. Eli only put it on hold for a while."

There is a long pause, complete silence save for the two women's breaths, thousands of miles apart.

"Call him. He needs you, Olivia." And with that, she hangs up the phone. Olivia is left with a dial tone, confused and so damned alone.

--

She calls his cell, but it goes straight to voicemail. By the time she's finished fumbling through a message she's not sure she should have left, she has no idea what she's said. It's probably for the best, though, or she'd just torture herself for hours on end.

She loves it here, really she does, but it's not home. She'll go back to New York someday, back to the streets she grew up on, but for now, she needs to embrace where she is. This city, this beach, the foreign accents, this can be home for now.

Just when she feels a sense of inner peace about her situation, an errant thought arrives.

_Shit. What did I say?_

--

He finally gets Eli to sleep, and decides to head to sleep himself. There's not much else he can do right now, and his young son is quite the early bird. He'll be awake hours before he needs to be, before the jobs he's not sure he likes anymore requires his physical presence.

His son has this obsession with his cell phone, and so it was often hidden away in places only a toddler can reach. He isn't overly worried, as he's not on call tonight. He needs to find it though, because it serves double duty as his alarm clock. In all his bachelor glory, he hasn't even made it to an electronics store.

Elliot commences his search of every nook and cranny that would attract his son. _Not under the couch…not behind the TV…maybe the kitchen? _He finally succeeds in his quest, finding the cell in a drawer he thinks is meant to store pots and pans. Not that he has any.

Combination C from Feng Ling Chinese does not require any kitchenware.

He grabs a bottle of beer from the fridge, removes the cap, walks back to the living room and settles into the cushions of his couch. He flips open his phone, powering it on. He'll just check for messages, then he'll go straight to sleep. He won't think about her, not tonight.

Well, he'll try anyway.

_3 new voicemails,_ his screen announces. As he punches the familiar numbers, he anticipates what he'll be hearing. Kathy, at least once, and maybe one of the kids. Hopefully not work, and hopefully not one of those encouraging messages Fin has taken to leaving on his phone since Olivia left.

"_Hey El, it's Kath-_" he punches 7 for delete.

"_Yo, Stabler-_" Dammit, Fin. He pokes the erase button again.

"_Hi, Elliot. It's Liv._" He nearly chokes on his beer. "_Um, I know I didn't call, but I well, I guess this is me, calling you now. A couple months late, sorry. I know you're probably mad at me. I just didn't know what to say. But I do now. Maybe. Anyway, I'm doing okay, really. I miss you though. I'll be home soon, hopefully. I-I love you._"

Well, shit.

--

Three days later, she's desperate to call him and confirm her worst fears, but if she calls him she's afraid she'll just say those stupid three words again. She wasn't supposed to say that, she wasn't even thinking that. She doesn't love him, not like that, she _doesn't._

But.

This time away was supposed to help her clear her head, forget about the decidedly unpartnerly feelings she was developing, and figure out how to go back to him as the best friend he needs. Now she finds herself daydreaming of him, missing her life back home, and, dammit, imagining a future.

She sighs, flopping back into her plush hotel room bed. As she snuggles into the too-soft pillows, she realizes something. She has no idea why she's still here.

She's going home.

* * *

_Sorry, it's taken so long. I just wasn't feeling anything I wrote for the longest time. Hope it doesn't disappoint you too much!_

_Third part will arrive someday, hopefully soon!_


	3. Part 3

_A huge thank you goes to Heather, not only for the poking but also for the wonderfully inspirational music and the pre-reading. :) Also, thanks are owed to my bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Kaitlyn for helping me finish off everyone…err, everything. ;) MUAH. _

_Songs that I recommend to go with this are: I'm Scared by Duffy, I am Ready for Love by India Arie, and Precious Love by Julie Crochetiere._

_Also, thank you to everyone for being so patient, and really just for reading! Muah._

* * *

Her flight takes nearly a full day, and all the while she alternates between excitement and sheer panic. So what if he's divorced? He didn't track her down, and he never promised her anything. She never even asked him to promise her anything.

This scenario is supposed to be a complete impossibility. It was the very thing she left the northern hemisphere to avoid. And here she was, flying straight back to where she began.

Once she lands, she calls Casey to ask for a ride from the airport. She doesn't answer. She has no American money, so a cab is out of the question. In her dumbest move yet, she dials those numbers most familiar to her.

When he answers, her heart leaps into her throat. _You're only asking for a ride, Olivia, not a marriage proposal._

She manages to get the facts out, and to his credit, his voice never wavers as he agrees to come pick her up. Now she has half an hour to completely freak out.

_Alright. Step one, customs. Step two, luggage._

She chooses the only female officer in the lineup, and when asked the obligatory "What brings you back to New York?" she briefly considers spilling out the whole truth. Surely this tired woman could sympathize with her complex situation. As she begins to form the words, however, she realizes that will probably get her put on the terror watch list. Instead, she answers with a demure "Returning home from vacation."

Her passport stamped and safely tucked away, she makes a quick stop for her suitcase before heading to the place Elliot insisted they meet. He wants to come inside, and she doesn't know if this is good or bad.

She meanders through JFK, content to let the speed of the crowds direct her. By the time she makes it to the designated area, she's ten minutes late. As her eyes scan the crowd, she catches a flash of the electric blue she knows so well.

"Elliot," she breathes, not loud enough to him to hear her. He immediately finds her all the same.

Olivia is frozen in place, her legs unable to go any further. If he wants her, he'll have to come and get her.

_Fitting,_ she thinks. She's traveled the world for him; he can come these last 20 feet.

He surges forward, his footsteps never faltering. He is confident as he approaches her, and it seems as though his strut has returned.

He grabs her, crushing her into his body, but this time she is prepared. She wraps her arms tightly around his neck, and she feels rather than hears his words.

"You're home now, Liv."

--

The ride home is a blur, her internal clock calling for sleep in the middle of a sunny New York afternoon. He'd laced his fingers through hers, and she'd drifted in and out to the background sounds of sirens and traffic.

He offered to show her his new place, but she'd insisted on going to her apartment. In her space, she'd have control. She was tired of navigating new places, and she longed for the familiar of her own things.

She'd also have the ability to kick him out if things didn't go well.

They had so much to talk about, so many details to discuss, and yet her jet lag dictated otherwise. She collapses onto her soft brown suede couch, and Elliot follows suit. He can see that she is fighting consciousness, so he decides to let her rest before the heavy stuff comes up.

"I know you're tired, Olivia. Take a nap, I'll wait."

"Will you?" Her question is loaded with so much more than just the simple offer he intended.

"Yeah, Liv." He reaches over, tucks some hair behind her ear before sliding his hand down her arm to encircle her wrist. "C'mere."

With that, he tugs her over to his side of the sofa, her head settling onto his shoulder. She is stiff, all angles and awkwardness in the midst of his physical comfort. He tangles his fingertips into her hair, and she relaxes.

Just as she feels herself drift off, awareness hits. There's no way she can sleep until she settles things with Elliot. He feels her tense, and he knows she's ready to talk, jet lag be damned.

"I missed you," he murmurs into the top of her head.

"Me, too," she replies, wishing the lump in her throat would disappear.

Elliot clears his throat as he tries desperately to decide where to start. He wants to wait on the heavy stuff, to be patient with her, he really does. But that's not who he is. "Did you mean it, Liv?"

"Elliot." She's not ready to give up that much, not right now. Not until she knows which way this is going to go. "I don't know-"

"Goddammit, Olivia. You _know_ what I'm talking about," he says, his voice breaking on the angry words, his muscles tight with tension. "Don't give me that. I'm asking you if you meant it when you said you love me, and you wanna play games?"

She realizes now that by asking her to lead, he's giving her control, not taking it away. Sure, she could respond to the irritation in his words, probably work herself into a bad mood if she wanted. She chooses to back down from the fight, however, and pulls her head back to look him in the eye.

"I meant it." She sees the hope spark in his eyes, and she knows she has to lay it all on the line. She might have been the one ran away, but he was the one she left behind. "When I left, I thought I could find somewhere else to belong. I thought I could make a new life, find a new home. I was wrong, Elliot. I was wrong, because you're my home."

His mouth is on her faster than she can comprehend. He's nipping at her lips, wrapping his hands at the base of her neck, drawing her closer into him. She opens her mouth to get some air, but instead his tongue forces its way in.

It's ages before she can process anything other than his lips, his teeth, his tongue, and the next sensation she feels is the tingle of static electricity as she slides downward on her couch. She tugs at his shoulders, feeling his weight settle onto her. He pulls back, staring down at her.

"I love you, Olivia." Tears well up in her eyes, and she slams them shut so he won't see. He places a feather-light kiss on each eyelid, then her forehead, before finally coming to rest on her earlobe. "You're home, now."

She wants to say she loves him, too, but her voice won't cooperate. She looks at him, pleading him to understand. She sees the understanding, his eyes a mirror of the emotions she's sure are present in her own.

"Are you ready? Once we do this, that's it. You're it for me, Benson." She smiles up at him, her heart swelling at his fumbled sentiment.

"I've been waiting for this all my life, El." With that, he reaches for the hem of her plum t-shirt, tugging gently as she rises up off the sofa. He kisses her stomach, nuzzling her with his nose.

"Mark me." She is echoing their words, their actions of so many months ago. Taking them backward in order to propel their relationship forward. He kisses and licks his way up to her chest, finding a suitable spot to claim her as his own. He unclasps her bra as he works, sliding the straps off her arms and discarding the garment onto her wood floor. Satisfied with the stain on her otherwise perfect skin, he scoots up to meet her eyes, his hand cupping her breast.

She moans against his throat, and when she inhales she smells him for the first time in 4 months. Whatever it is he uses, they don't carry where she was staying, she's sure of it. She tried seventeen different brands before she'd given up.

Now, the smell of his soap is almost enough to make her moan again.

He places his mouth on hers, sucking her bottom lip between his own, gentle at first, then nipping her with his teeth. Suddenly, things are fast and furious, clothes being stripped and cast aside, caution a thing of the past. Before either can wrap their mind around what is happening, they are naked and panting on her couch.

He hesitates, wanting to be sure. Wanting her to be sure. She senses this, and grabs his hips, positioning him above her. He gets the message, dragging his length through her folds, feeling her moisten in response.

She grabs the back of his head, pulling him down for a bruising, forceful kiss. He pushes himself inside her, slowly learning that every piece he has been missing can be found right here, with her.

"Mmm," she groans as he finally fills her. He kisses the tip of her nose, thrusting his hips gently. His eyelashes give her butterfly kisses on her cheek as he sets a steady rhythm. Her hands roam his back, seeking out the territory she now knows is hers to claim.

His pace quickens along with their heartbeats, their hot breaths mingling as one. She can feel beads of sweat on her back, and she knows she'll never look at this couch in the same way. She will forever see him working above her like this, gliding in and out of her.

She knows she's close, but she wants to wait for him. "Elliot," she forces out breathlessly. "I'm so close."

"Me too, baby," he mumbles into her skin. "Let go."

With that, he reaches between them, rubbing her in swift strokes, his hips swiveling as she begins to shake. He scrapes a short fingernail over her clit, and she cries out as she breaks. The feel of her walls fluttering around him bring him to orgasm, and he empties inside her.

He rolls to his side, pulling her throw blanket over their cooling bodies. He traces light patterns on her arm, waiting for her to open her eyes. When she finally does, he is rewarded with an expression he's never seen on her face before—contentment.

"Get some rest now, Olivia." He leans in, as if to kiss her ear, but instead he whispers "'Cause I'm gonna have you up all night."

She whimpers slightly, her eyes drifting back closed. "I'm…not…that sleepy…" she manages.

"Don't worry. We've got all the time in the world."

_The end. :)_


End file.
